People regularly leave places, situations, growth plateaus, habits, relationships, interests, experiences, preferences, feelings, ideas, and life. Obviously, the process of living is one that beats a natural rhythm of arriving and leaving, attaching and separating. Authentic living virtually requires surrender to the rhythm but, also, a commitment to managing its effect. All people leave things, but too few leave deliberately or well.
Some leavings occur so naturally and so slowly that transitions require no notice. For example, childhood speech patterns. When, we wonder years later, did Edward stop saying “Bay-oh” and start saying “Bear”? When did he leave toddler talk? Some leavings hardly noticed; some are abrupt, jarring, and full of notice. Anger, illness, political shifts, passions of religion or romance often trigger swift exists, sudden releases, or hard separations.
Leavings, gentle or harsh, are as plentiful as hair on our bodies. Some are as bothersome as hair in our mouths. But if we want leavings to help us shape fine character, we learn to tend them, like hair on a show cat Leave: to go out of or away from. Separate. Depart. Take off. Change. Scram.
That does not say, be ejected. Expelled, Booted, or other embarrassing removals that can occur. These are passive words that describe things done tous. But to leave means to exercise volition, Even if asked to leave, we make the move. We are not asked, “Please be ejected.” Leave is a responsibility word.
Imagine a trapeze artist propelled toward change. He releases a swiftly receding swing, hangs unsupported for a split second, then clutches a new opportunity. Seldom are our daily separations so dramatic, but leaving does require actively letting go of this in order to take hold of that. Wise trapeze artists avoid carelessness; they train and practice. They know leaving is serious business; that life depends upon it. It does, in a real sense, for all of us. Then why is deliberate leaving so neglected? So difficult? I think for at least these three reasons: 1) a need to be sure, 2) a need to feel safe, and 3) a reluctance to be sad.
COMING US:THE NEED TO BE SURE