HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LINNEA! IT'S A BIG ONE!
“Happy BIG NUMBER Birthday, my friend, Linnea.”
This blog is dedicated to you, on this, your special day.
Our seven-month old puppy, Scooter, has a twelve-year-old, miniature Schnauzer friend, Tucker. Tucker’s “mom,” Linnea, is our relatively new friend—as friendships are defined.
We, and by that I mean twenty-some of us, meant to honor her, to surprise her, with food and drink, silly surprises, along with telling scandalous and sensitive tales, but, lo, a little virus, and a big requirement of separation, called a halt to such plans. So, for my part I offer this – a blog about our friendship.
In work about ethics named for his father, Nicomachus, Aristotle decided, in his philosophical and fourth century BCE way, that we can slice friendship into three sorts: Utilitarian, Pleasant, and Perfect. I’m a bit surprised he didn’t chose titles beginning with the letter “A”: Apt, Agreeable, and Amazing. I say that because his siblings were Arimnestus and Arimneste; and everyone on his mother’s side descended from Asclepius. But I digress.
Utilitarian friendship is, well, “useful.” These friends “get something from one another. Aristotle even uses one of the four Greek expressions of love to describe this sort of friendship: Those who psiteo, love as buddies, Philadelphia—city of brotherly love. These friends don’t have to be alike. They don’t necessary share opinions about important things but, they benefit by association. I’m thinking car-poolers, hairdresser-client, speech writer-politician. Student-Teacher. Piano tuner-performer. We get things from these relationships. “Hey, I’ve got a friend who can fix that.” Got it.
Well, yeah. I mean, Linnea is a nurse extraordinaire. I can Get advice, get my temperature taken, borrow aspirin, learn stuff – medically speaking. And, well, hellooo, she is a master knitter. I am not, so where do I go but to my friend Linnea when I need help. She even lends Tucker to us for some Scooter play time. Scooter and Tucker tucker out and we, in our home, get a break.
Centuries ago, Aristotle said steadfastness is not required but I’d say my friendship with Linnea is fairly dependable and trustworthy so maybe we’ve jumped categories.
Pleasure: One of my ever-favorite books was written by Joseph Heller & Speed Vogel, “No Laughing Matter.” And let me tell you, it was no laughing matter when Heller was hospitalized and near death with Guillian-Barré syndrome. His buddy, Vogel, visited, cheered, helped out, but also helped himself to Heller’s wardrobe and other things. But, that’s not the story that made them friends of pleasure. Eating did. For years and years, a group of Heller’s friends gathered in his Asian neighbor’s apartment for chef Ngoot’s gastronomic extravaganzas. The guys shopped for ingredients, washed, chopped, set the table, cleared and cleaned. Now is not the time to tell the hilarious details of this band of buds but let me tell you, for years and years, this private pack shared pleasure. It’s one of the best stories I’ve read about friends.
It would be easy for those of us who know Linnea, to call her ‘Chef.’ Culinary trained, utensil rich, master of the grille, kickass bread-baker, designer of award-winning piecrust, a hands-down mixed or brewed drink maven. If Aristotle were alive today, he would knock on her door at dinnertime. Anyone invited to share her table experiences pleasure.
She’s not perfect. She manages to make a mighty mess when she cooks, and it may be that impatience dogs her. She is a sharp-tongued woman with a history training hunting dogs, breaking in stallions, and nearly breaking the jaw of an bullying man – but, Aristotle would love her. He says this friendship aims for pleasure, not perfection. He maintains that these friendships have no real obligations but they tend to be long-lasting . . .
There must be more, I’m thinking. I like the idea of steadfastness, even of a certain obligation in my friendship with Linnea. It feels more than utilitarian, deeper than simply pleasure.
There is!” says Aristotle. There is “Perfect Friendship.”
Thank goodness he defines his terms. Perfection eludes me on so many levels that I even have trouble capitalizing the word. I haven’t the slightest inclination toward perfection, but Aristotle rescues me by definition. This friendship is “for those who wish well alike to each other.” That is, “they wish well to their friend for that friend’s sake.” What could be better!
Aristotle’s definition of Perfect Friendship is based on character and values. It “exists in order to wish the greatest good for the other,” and let me tell you, in the two years I have known Linnea, I have seen this woman extend goodness to many. You need a ride to an appointment? She’s on it. She visits the sick, she comforts sorrows, she delivers meals, she shares things, she puts up with things, she mends knitter’s messes, she lets Scooter play with Tucker’s toys, she checks up on things that need checking up on. She acts on the behalf of others, she “wishes well” for her friends’ sake.
Not many friendships of this sort exist, cautioned the philosopher. They require “time, familiarity, and inordinate faithfulness.” I’ve neither known Linnea long enough or well enough to rap the gavel on this one but I am one of more than twenty friends meant to party in her honor. The party’s been cancelled but . . . a small plan is in place. We aren’t forgetting our friend.
