#47 PUPPY – REALITY CHECK

 

“We have a very real problem, Scooter. Very real.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m thinking long and hard about it.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t spend too much time thinking about whatever it is. I’m pretty sure it’s not to my benefit.”

“It will be to your benefit if I can figure how to approach the problem. It will benefit us both.”

 

“You like my new haircut?” he asked, using his middle name, Sublime, as style. “I have a new groomer named Ana. She did a good job, don’t you think?”

“She did. I do like your new haircut.”

“We’re good then, right?” Scooter asked.

“We are not. You are right, you look good, but Scooter, you ever heard of Jeffery Dahmer?”

 

“He live near us?”

 

“He doesn’t. That is, he didn’t. The point is, Jeffery Dahmer looked good. He was considered a handsome man. But he was a bad man. He was full of himself. You, Scooter, are a handsome pup but you have developed some bad habits, perhaps because, well, probably with the help of your humans, you’ve become a bit full of yourself.”

“I’m like this Dahmer guy?”

“You are like him only in that you are attractive. You are like him in that you look good but let’s face it, looking good is not evidence of being good, and lately, you’ve not been very good.”

 

“And this is what you are thinking about?”

“It is. I’m thinking that you need to consider yourself more dog than god, and that your humans need to be sure we aren’t worshipping you. I think, even though you are mostly cooperative, even nicely trained in many respects, we’ve allowed you to believe you own the majority shares of family stock.”

 

“Like, does this mean that you aren’t going to satisfy my every request?”

“Something like that. Get the Small Ball yourself.”

“Really?”

 

“We’re good, right, Scooter?” I asked.

“This means something is about to change?”

“It does. Your mom and dad are going to spend this week buying back some of the family stock. We mean to make you a junior partner in this enterprise.”

“Treats involved?”

“Some. Sure. Carrots, peas, jerky, and kibbles.”

“And my job?”

“Your job is to listen and obey. Follow, not lead. Trust, not assert.”

“Is that part of what you’ve been thinking long and hard about?”

That’s part of it. And, Scooter, I’m telling people about it, so we can be held accountable. I hope that’s okay with you.”

“Is that why the new picture?”

“Right. I want to show how handsome you are. Before very long, we’ll take a picture showing how good you are. Do you think we might?

“I’ll give it some thought,” said Scooter scurrying to the cabinet under which he has pushed his Small Ball so his humans will come fetch it for him.