#34 A WOMAN'S BRIEFS: BOONDOGGLE

# 34   A WOMAN’S BRIEFS – BOONDOGGLE

I thrust my hand out as a warning. Palm forward. I was serious.

“I am in a good mood,” I said, “don’t mess me up.”

This was Tuesday, December 27th

My husband and I have had our moods messed up on nearly a daily basis as we have worked together (misnomer) in an attempt to switch from an MNO to a less costly MVNO. David looked up from his call with Apple Care. Maybe they can help.

“I’ve garnered a great education over these last few weeks,” I said. “And as you suspected, we have to return this (newly purchased) iphone14 to the MVNO. It can’t be used with Verizon. I placed the boxed iPhone on a kitchen counter. “We have to buy a different one. It’s that simple.”

It wasn’t that simple. It still isn’t, even as I write this last blog post for the year 2022. Happy New Year!

I tossed off my coat, dropped my car keys in the key bowl, put my purse on a chair, placed my iPhone11, and the book I had taken with me to our local Verizon store next to the new phone in its snug Apple box. I greeted Scooter Sublime. I was in a good mood. But . . .

“Where’s the . . .?” I said out loud. I started looking. I lifted stuff from the counter. I checked my purse, then my coat pockets. I fanned pages of the book. I glanced around the floor.

“Damn,” I said. The word instantly torpedoing my good mood. It was fitting.

.

I was sick of the great education garnered through fruitless phone conversations with a collection of MVNO and MNO phone representatives from around the world who, through hours and hours and hours of conversation with us over the last two weeks, read the same well scripted responses that always contained, “Don’t worry.” Weeks and hours of our attempts to make progress resulted in a pile-up of confusion. And for those of you fond of the Oxford comma, I have left it out purposefully.

By the way. If you aren’t familiar with the acronyms MVNO and MNO, Tough! Look it up. That’s what I had to do. By the way, anytime I say, “Tough” to anyone, you know I’ve been pushed far past my point of politeness. I am writing on December 31st, and this story, which began on December 15th, still isn’t over.

I went to my car and searched for the missing printed copies of “Proof of iPhone14” and “Proof of Apple Care Coverage” purchases. I returned to our apartment. “Do not speak to me,” I said. “I’m miserable.” I retrieved my coat, my purse, my book, my car key, and drove again to the Verizon store. While I was there, I ordered a different iPhone14, one Verizon can serve.

We tried, we really did try to switch to the less expensive MVNO that has clever slogans and delightful cartoon characters embedded in their emails but apparently lacks the capacity to correct mistakes, deliver evidence of any purchase, ticket numbers for call-back purposes, or any proof at all of previous calls or promises.

“Welcome . . .” the email carried on with a delightfully friendly chat accompanied by energetic graphics. We were assured by it that stuff like “pricey phone bills,” or “even less compelling corporate mascots” would “melt away like gas station nacho cheese.”

No plan. No documented phone purchase.

“Barbara, your plan is now up and running” said the next.  “. . .you'll need to make sure that eSIM of yours is installed on the phone you will be using.”

 It was. Then came this:

IF YOU'RE TRANSFERRING YOUR NUMBER WITH AN eSIM

You’ll still be able to receive calls/texts and use data from your current carrier with that number. If you want to use your active __ plan right away, you can use the temporary number below by managing your SIMs in your phone settings. When the transfer’s complete, your number will automatically switch over and we’ll notify you.

YOUR NUMBER TRANSFER DETAILS

Your Number: 253-blah, blah

Transferring From: Verizon

Temporary MVNO Number: 253-blah, blah

And soon:

 “It looks like there's an issue with your number transfer.

Please check the information you submitted, then re-submit your transfer request to keep everything afloat. Remember to use your temporary number to log in to your account.

“Try Again,” said the latest friendly email, “It’s smooth sailing from here.”

It wasn’t.

“Here's why your transfer failed: 

VZW Number Transfer PIN needed OR Incorrect”

“Oh, not to worry, Bah-bar-rah, you will receive your calls through your temporary number. Not to worry, Mr. David.”

We didn’t worry. We worked to resolve the mounting issue of confusion created by conversations with both the MNO and the MVNO. We spoke to representatives for hours. We listened. I think they did not. Not always did our call get cut off, but frequently enough.

“No, they cannot call us back, but not to worry . . .” These MVNO reps are robotically polite. Their Script-perfect responses are airtight. I hope they are well enough paid for the round-the-clock confusion they confront and create. Its a proven Boondoggle.

 Not always did we have to correct the purpose of our many calls, but often enough. Seldom were we able to.

We didn’t receive calls on our temporary numbers. Our cell phones fell silent.

And, really, by this point you’ve got the picture.

We hung in until Boxing Day.

We cancelled our attempted move from MNO to MVNO. That is, we’ve tried to.

Our Verizon phone numbers have been restored to our iPhones 11 and 6.

Apple Care verified that the new iPhone14 IMEI numbers are correct,

Verizon assured me that “the device cannot be recognized” by them.

The darling emails from the MVNO keep arriving. The Return Label we need hasn’t.

“Don’t worry.”

 At the uncrowded Verizon store I chatted with our neighbor, Rich, while he and I waited our turns to be helped. I retrieved my paperwork from the friendly clerk who, rather than telling me not to worry, explained that “the reason Verizon can’t use the phone you bought from _____ is because ____ puts software in the phones they sell that limits the use to their network.” Ah, if only we had known.

That afternoon, that would be yesterday, we called the MVNO we had several days before cancelled, from whom we have received refunds for three SIM cards, and to whom we wish to return an iPhone. Have I mentioned? This was one of several attempts to learn how to return the phone, one of several promises of an email containing a shipping label.

“Don’t worry, Bah-bah-rah. Relax. I have taken care of it for you, you will get the email within 24 hours with a shipping label.”

 As of this writing, the MVNO has six more hours to fulfil its (latest) promise.

But, hey. I’m relaxed. I’m not worried.

Happy New Year!